“”
“There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.”
Steven Wright
“”
“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, ‘Got any shoes you’re not using?’ “
Steven Wright
“”
“A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.’ “
Steven Wright
“”
“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier ... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”
Steven Wright
“”
“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
Steven Wright
“”
“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‘Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.’ “
Steven Wright


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