“”
“Forgive Rosenhaus. Being the agent for [Terrell] Owens is, in a football context, like being the personal publicist for Satan.”
“”
“If was a general manager, I don’t care if he wanted to come in and play for the league minimum, I would not have him in my locker room. I wouldn’t want him around my organization, my city or anything. I would not welcome him. I do not respect him. I think he’s a selfish jerk. All he thinks about is money and himself.”
“”
“It doesn’t matter what anyone says about me or what anybody thinks about me, when I get on the football field, the best relationship I need is with that football.”
“”
“I have invited Condi to the centre of the world, to Blackburn, and to a real football game rather than to rugby with commercials, which I am told is called American football.”
“”
“If I were running the PA system for an opposing NFL team, I would play the Love Boat theme music everytime the Vikings did anything.”
“”
“[Dez] White has approached Peerless Price status. That is, cutting White may not make the Falcons better. But at least it would prevent the mistake of ever throwing in his direction again.”
“”
“Keep my name out of your mouth. Keep my family’s name out of your mouth.”
“”
“A classic collection of coaches: Andy Reid looks like the star of a CBS sitcom where the portly guy is married to an improbably hot chick; Mora looks like one of those clean-cut porn stars who isn’t quite reliable enough to get his own one-on-one scene; Bill Belichick dresses like the lead singer of an ’80s cover band; and Bill Cowher looks so much like Sergeant Slaughter, you keep waiting for the Iron Sheik to attack him.”
“”
“So during the campaign, George W. Bush visited the Cleveland Browns. But on the first day of his second term, as he put forth his agenda to fix the world, there was not one mention of any plan to fix the Browns. From now on I’ll never trust another politician.”
“”
“[Michael] Vick, the greatest thrill ride in the NFL, can bring Atlanta its first Super Bowl championship. All by himself. Or he can break the city’s collective heart. All by himself.”
“”
“It’s business, you have to have a thick skin. If you let people get to you, on or off the court, it’s going to affect how you play.”
“”
“The hypocrisy of selling alcohol all night, then complaining when people behave like drunks, is beyond comment.”
“”
“It was probably the first sports event in history where the nosebleed seats were right in the front.”
“”
“[Falcons] Kicker Jay Feely missed field goal tries of 40 and 45 yards. Both went right. Very little else did.”
Matt Winkeljohn
“”
“Character exists in track and field. You don’t have to be cocky, self-centered, mean or arrogant.”
“”
“Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.”
Joe Theismann
“”
“Welcome to Greece. Home of Eros, the God of Love; Zeus, the God of the Heavens; Visa, the God of Debt; and Nike, the God of Shoes We Want.”
“”
“An Open Letter to Bob Costas and Katie Couric, From the Citizens of the United States of America.
Shut up. No, seriously,
shut up. If the Olympics Opening Ceremony had been a movie, and we’d been in a theater, the entire audience would have beaten you to death.”
“”
“Once you’re an Olympian, you’re always an Olympian ... It’s the whole process of going through it. If you just concentrate on that one day, you’re going to have disappointment.”
“”
“I don’t care if ‘the world is catching up,’ or if Del Harris is coaching China, or if the best point guard in the NBA is often a Canadian who resembles the second guitar player from a Drive-By Trucker tribute band. This is just about the only thing we have left, and now we clearly don’t even have
this. Even if we somehow bounce back and win the gold, it’s over for us as a nation; this is like when the Spanish Armada got iced in 1588. We might as well start caring about soccer.”
“”
“In a world that has as many tensions as our world has today ... to see the athletes come into the stadium, there is that moment of just sheer hope ... And you say maybe watching them assemble there all as one group, maybe the whole world could work.”
“”
“When I talk, you guys have something negative to say. When I don’t talk, you have something negative to say. I’d much rather not talk and spend time with my son. Have a good day.”
“”
“I ain’t the same person I was when I bit that guy’s ear off.”
“”
“It’s not a good time to retire. It’s not a bad time to retire. It’s just time.”
“”
“I don’t always know what I’m talking about, but I know I’m right.”
Muhammad Ali
“”
“Take your fake astronauts walking on fake moons. Take your Kid Rocks wearing American flag ponchos. Take your marching bands. Nothing makes us love our country more than the sight of somebody’s booby. This is why the terrorists hate us.”
“”
“The league let MTV produce the halftime show, and MTV is an empire founded on wardrobe malfunctions. The NFL sidled up to the edge of decorum, somehow forgetting that the biggest-watched television show of every calendar year isn’t niche programming. You can’t be edgy and mainstream at the same time. You can’t accept millions of dollars in advertising from companies peddling drugs to combat erectile dysfunction and then suddenly decide that, because of one wardrobe malfunction, you have standards after all.”
“”
“I know why women don’t play football. Because they’re always telling how much the players weigh.”
Susan Stott
“”
“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses -- behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road -- long before I dance under those lights.”
Muhammad Ali
“”
“Before addressing this week’s Falcons loss, this aside for all heartbroken Chicago Cubs fans: Cheer up, pal. Sure, you lost. Again. But anybody tuning in to the Bears’ game Sunday can catch the first start of the season by Chris Chandler and be eligible to win a copy of the new board game: ‘I’m A Chicago Sports Fan. Just Shoot Me Now.’”
“”
“I really didn’t feel like I played an NFL game tonight. I hardly got hit.”
“”
“If you watch some of the battle scenes in the new ‘Lord of the Rings’ movie involving hordes of warriors fighting each other with swords, flails and crossbows, you realize it’s no different than the beer line at a Raider game.”
Michael Ventre
“”
“I don’t know about you, but to me there’s just something about tuba players gyrating their tubas to ‘Black Magic Woman’ that really shouts ‘Super Bowl.’”
“”
“We’re doing a piece about Michael [Vick], talking to people who’ve played against him. When guys . . . started to tell stories [about] what it’s like to play against him, it’s like people who have seen UFOs.”
Steve Sabol,
NFL Films president
“”
“I’m still not sure the American sports fan really appreciates what we have here. Forget about changing the game or reinventing the position. This guy is Michael Jordan or Joe Montana or Wayne Gretzky. He is the show by himself. Name a player in any sport you’d rather watch play.”
Chris Moore, ESPN,
on Michael Vick
“”
“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.”
Barry Switzer
“”
“A No. 2 quarterback is like a toilet plunger. You never comprehend its value until you really need it.”
Steve Hummer
“”
“What else is there for me to prove? That I can be Evander Holyfield and not know when to quit? Or prove that I’m stuck in the sport and won’t get out until I’m speaking so people don’t understand me? So I think this is a great point for me to say, ‘Yo, I’ve gone through so much and I’ve even done it without getting Don King involved’.”
“”
“Do you think Jesus would love me? I’m a Muslim, but do you think Jesus would love me... I think Jesus would have a drink with me and discuss... why you acting like that? Now, he would be cool. He would talk to me. No Christian ever did that and said in the name of Jesus even... They’d throw me in jail and write bad articles about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he’s coming back to save us. But they don’t understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again.”
“”
“Then there are the times it feels as if the raison d’etre of airing each night’s Olympics coverage is purely to get people to watch the next night’s coverage.”
“”
“The place was invented by the mob. What you call sins, it calls leading economic indicators. It abides drive-through wedding chapels, an escort service on every corner, Wayne Newton and the abomination that is keno. Yet Mike Tyson can’t work in Las Vegas. If he’s not careful, he’s going to have a hard time even getting into hell.”
Steve Hummer,
Atlanta Constitution
“”
“The baseball players went back to work last night. Chipper Jones hit a home run in the first inning, and the Philadelphia fans booed him. That’s their job. And the audience is getting back to work, too.”
“”
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”
Muhammad Ali
“”
“I find there is a ledger where my heart used to be.”
Steve Hummer
