QuoteLog

“Remarriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

“Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.”

“One is very crazy when in love.”

“The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle.”

“Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.”

“It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic.”

“Truth does not become more true by virtue of the fact that the entire world agrees with it, nor less so even if the whole world disagrees with it.”

“The world is not only stranger than you suppose, it is stranger than you can suppose.”

“The lesson you always learn in these jobs is that the world doesn’t deal cards one at a time.”

“A No. 2 quarterback is like a toilet plunger. You never comprehend its value until you really need it.”

“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.”

“The world is my lobster.”

“Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.”

“A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: ‘Inside of me there two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.’ When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, ‘The one I feed the most.’ “

“I like knowing where my stuff is at all times. I don’t like the idea of dropping one of the twins out the window. And I don’t want my little soldier peeking out of the foxhole. Nope, the world out there is not safe, better to keep all my equipment in my rucksack.”

“Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home.”

“The very existence of protestors in Washington DC is testament to the division of labor, by which factory workers build combine harvesters for farmers to produce grain, which Mexican immigrants turn into wraps for burritos to fuel the college kids in their struggle against global capitalism on the streets of DC, and, if the fascists send in the army, the kids will stake the rifles with flowers, fresh, and flown in that very day from Africa. Isn’t global capitalism wonderful?”

“It takes but one to make a war, not two, and those who do not have swords may still die upon them.”

“This is my idea: We combine my two favorite shows, ‘American Idol’ and ‘When Animals Attack.’ And you take some Celine Dion, Ricky Martin wannabes and you put them on a soundstage with a hyena with an ear infection.”

“Essentially, I try to be as much myself as I can be in as public a context as I can manage. I’ll navigate it as best I can. The most intelligent approach is not to believe that you can control it, but to accept wherever it takes you.”