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Mon. Jul 02, 2007

Sometimes, Incompetence Is Our Friend

While the biggest story this weekend locally was new kittens, I understand that there were some attempts at terrorism as well.

Obviously, I’ve been a bit distracted from all the details. But from what I gather, there were two attempted car bombs in London, one of which fizzled in a manner more dudly than deadly, and the other got towed for being parked illegally. Which, unless they were planning on attacking the police impound lot, makes for another dudly attempt.

Meanwhile in Glasgow at the airport, two guys in a Jeep Cherokee assumed they could drive through or over the concrete pilings/barriers that have become a part of our public life, and, of course, failed. Well, one of them managed to set himself on fire, and a bystander got a slight leg wound.

3 car bombs, one dud, one towed, one crashed and burned igniting the driver, 0 dead. I’m sorry, I know I’ve been distracted by kittens, but I’m just not feeling very terrorized. I feel rather calmed, in fact.

It could be the kitten pheromones, I suppose. But logic indicates that such jihadist incompetence is doubly defeating, and therefore, rather calming. First, there’s the obvious incompetence in [1] theory, as it appears these “car bombs” would make a nice fireball, but not the shrapnel filled explosion they thought they were making, and [2] execution, as they failed to even make more than a little smoke in two cases, and in the third, they were not even competent enough to martyr themselves, never mind kill any one else.

Now, as for the second defeating aspect of this. Imagine you are bin Laden or Zawahiri, comfortably reading the news in Waziristan. Al Qaeda may not be able to do frequent attacks themselves, but there has been some pride in the fact that they have inspired others to act in their cause. Freelance franchisees, so to speak. And it is even suggested in some jihadist Internet forums that Al Qaeda thinks that when Tony Blair leaves office, that transition in government would be a wonderful time to attack.

Someone (a neurosurgeon?!?) apparently took that to heart. But now you’re reading about how these franchisees are diluting your brand name, in a big bad way. They’ve made terrorism a little less … terrifying.

When Steve Jobs returned as CEO of Apple, one of the first things he did was shut down the licensing that had allowed a few companies other than Apple to make “Mac clones.” Jobs felt it diluted their brand, and he wanted Apple to have total control over the quality of the products (and the profit as well). However, Al Qaeda has no licensees to decertify. What’s a terror magnate to do?

And then there’s a rather American irony to this, though a comparatively non-violent one. Here we also have some who are inspired to go off and “represent” us in a distant place, and do what they think is our bidding. But when they get there, not only do they rarely guess correctly about what we want, they also rarely display the competence required to wipe their own hineys without making a stinking mess.

So, Osama, I suggest you just hang it up and get some kittens. The worst things they do, they bury, and no one is the wiser. And the pheromones will do you good.