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Fri. May 20, 2005

E-mail from an Arafat

I get e-mails from the downtrodden relatives of deposed leaders in Africa … all the time (and the occasional former Baathist). There’s apparently a stunning amount of money just floating around out there, waiting for some soul like me to offer my checking account number so it will have a place to land. And then I get my money for nothin’ and the chicks for free!

But tonight came a new one, from a familiar name.

This mail may not be surprising to you if you have been following current events in the international media with reference to the Middle East and Palestine in particular. I am Mrs. Suha Arafat, the wife of Yasser Arafat, the Palestinian leader who died recently in Paris. Since his death and even prior to the announcement, I have been thrown into a state of antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness by the present leadership of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and the new Prime Minister. I have even been subjected to physical and psychological torture. As a widow that is so traumatized,I have lost confidence with everybody in the country at the moment. You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account and companies on the allegations of some huge sums of money deposited by my husband in my name of which I have refused to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government. In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life. As you know, the Moslem community has no regards for women, more importantly when the woman is from a Christian background, hence my desire for a foreign assistance.

While I’m flattered that Mrs. Arafat would pick me out of the hundreds of millions of people on this planet who have a checking account, I make it a practice not to financially engage partners who are suffering from “antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness.”

It’s just bad business.

Although I have to admit, it was a near thing, as this is the first e-mail of this type I’ve received that actually has a link at the bottom to the author’s Wikipedia entry. Oh, and it closes “In case you don’t accept please do not let me out to the security and international media as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence.”

Oops.

Later: At least spam is getting more entertaining. The next day, this rather Victorian missive came from a very honestly named enterprise: “Top of the day to you. Let me crave your indulgence to introduce myself to you I am Mr femi Adeyomi president/founder of Con Oil and Gas Ltd.” Never mind the forthright company name, I just love that opening phrase: “Let me crave your indulgence to introduce myself…”