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Fri. Dec 10, 2004

Deconstructing The Machine

You might recall three months ago when I wrote about Environmental Adjustments: “The refrigerator is in the dining room. The dining room table is in the bedroom. The toilet is in the tub. In the living room, our end table is a clothes dryer, and the corner looks like the room was tipped up and everything just fell into a pile [...] The scary thing is, only about 25% of our floor space is being replaced (just the tiled areas), yet the place is a dysfunctional wreck. What happens when they come to do the carpet, the other 75%?”

Well, we’re about to find out the answer to that question. We’ve had some fits and starts on scheduling, but we’ve spent a lot of time lately prepping our home. And everything in it. I feel I was mislead by the carpet company’s TV commercial, in which these animated men drop a roll of carpet on the floor, the weight of which bounces all of the furniture up off the floor, and they quickly roll the carpet out while everything is still in the air. The furniture lands softly on the new carpet, and it’s a done deal.

That’s what they showed on TV. But in the Real World, it apparently is a bit more work. Mainly by us. Everything has to be consolidated, broken-down, boxed, or otherwise in a form that two people can pick it up and move it. They’ll move all the stuff from one room into the two remaining rooms while they carpet it, and repeat this Shuffle Of Our Belongings until the whole place is done. Meanwhile, I’ll be in the kitchen with a morphine drip, as that will be the safest option for all concerned.

I’ve lived here nearly a decade, and Susan’s been here five years. Boy Howdy, we’ve got Some Stuff. But, yep, it’s all ready to go. Well, except for one thing. This thing I’m typing on right now. I’d only lived here about six months before I got my first computer, so portions of this computer desk setup are nine years old. It’s a bit like a small house that’s had multiple haphazard additions over the years, built on as more space was demanded by The Machine.

It started off simply enough, just the standard CPU, monitor, mouse, and keyboard. But first I added a graphics tablet, then a scanner, and then the second monitor. And when a new computer arrived to replace the old, the old one merely shifted to the left a foot or so, for backup and file storage (and it needs a monitor, too, making three). Then came the Big Ass Epson printer, which consumes an area about three by three feet when in operation, and, of course, uses Big Ass Paper you have to store somewhere as well. That’s when the Printing Wing was added to the desk setup. Soon, it had a upper deck added, as printing increased the need for large flat spaces.

It’s all been built up over almost a decade, covering maybe 50 square feet. And now they want to replace the stuff it’s all resting on. Bummer, eh? You have no idea. I’d show you a picture, but I’m afraid it would break the lens.

I’ve budgeted an entire day to breaking down my system(s) and Susan’s, and it will likely take an equal time to put it all back together again after the carpet installation. And when it’s all said and done, our place will look much nicer, our living room will be entirely rearranged, and this computer setup will freshly organized and neatly arranged. All it will take is man hours and calories. Lots of both. And maybe some morphine, just so that nobody gets hurt. So this will be all you hear from me … until the drugs wear off.