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Sun. Oct 24, 2004

Presidential Spam

This morning, the day the President worships as our Sabbath, one of his rabid avid supporters was up very early … spamming workin’ hard for W. The results appeared in my inbox.

 
From: digital@davidorts.com
Subject: David has referred you!
Received: from gwbnweb1 (unknown [192.168.10.221]) by mailer2.georgewbush.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 77FFB38C152 for ; Sun, 24 Oct 2004 08:59:19 -0400 (EDT)
Received: from mail pickup service by gwbnweb1 with Microsoft SMTPSVC; Sun, 24 Oct 2004 08:59:20 -0400

David has referred you to President Bush’s re-election campaign as someone interested in volunteering for the President’s team! I sent you this message because I hope you’ll sign up to volunteer for the President today!

By signing up today as a Bush Volunteer, you’ll join the most important part of the 2004 election: the grassroots team to reelect President Bush.

Paid for by BUSH-CHENEY ‘04, Inc.

So many questions come to mind. Who is this “David,” and why would he do something so silly as to send me this? And, you mean with a mere 9 days before the election, it’s not too late to become a part of the grassroots team? You must have some darn good fertilizer to grow grass that fast! In fact, what kind of grass is this?

This ain’t none of that wacky ‘backy, is it? Because I’d have to be smokin’ it to believe that e-mail was “Paid for by Bush-Cheney ‘04 Inc.” If someone expended funds on that, it was a waste of a digital stamp, as one perusal around this web site would reveal. And, frankly, it was no less irritating than the other five spams in my mailbox this morning. Maybe more. Little bit.

But wait, there’s more!

David Orts was a very busy guy overnight, workin’ hard for W. If you check his resume you’ll find a list of his “Recent Development.” At the very top of that list is FreedomDialup.com, a fine collection of HTML and CSS errors.

And (surprise!) I got another e-mail overnight from happypappy@freedomdialup.com. It appears “Happy Pappy” ain’t too happy:

Hey guys,

Do you think that these quotes are true? I am confused who to vote for now.

What do you think?

[snip long list of Swift Boat vets trashing Kerry]

I don’t know. I’m so dern confused maybe on November 2 I’ll just stay home and pick mah nose.

People, I know some of you are reaching a sweat spewing fever pitch, and may never have quite reached this high a boil before. But, please, do not let it overwhelm your previous knowledge. Remember, way back before Bush was President? Spam was bad, right? Spam is unsolicited e-mail that hopes to get something from you for nothing, via using the e-mail account that you pay for. Spam is spam is spam. And we’ve all exclaimed in frustration at one time or another, “I would never ever patronize anyone who sends out spam, because that would be rewarding the %$#@! abuse I get in my inbox each and every day.”

No, your presidential candidate does not get special dispensation. With your spam-mail, you’ve lowered him to the level of Viagra peddlers, penis enlargement scams, people in Nigeria who “URGENTLY NEEDING YOURE ASSISITANCE,” and that poor guy who keeps trying to reach Nick regarding some archive he’d asked about.

If you want to spend your money to put a mailer in my snail mail box, have at it! I’ve gotten scads of them over the past two weeks, and they don’t bother me at all. That’s your money and time spent. But when you show up in my e-mail inbox when I have no prior “business relationship,” well, you’re violating the law in many states. But, primarily, you are using the service I pay for to foist your values upon me.

And turning me against whatever you’re peddling. Automatically.

Nice job, David! Keep mailing those spams, and maybe you can soon counterbalance the idiocy of the Guardian’s letter writing campaign.