PhotoDude.com

Tue. Sep 14, 2004

Environmental Adjustments

The refrigerator is in the dining room. The dining room table is in the bedroom. The toilet is in the tub. In the living room, our end table is a clothes dryer, and the corner looks like the room was tipped up and everything just fell into a pile.

Last night I walked on the kitchen cabinets to retrieve the vodka. And a fork. Then I shimmied across the bathroom counter to rescue enough makeup and hair preparation equipment to outfit the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, for some forgetful wife of mine.

You see, we’re having our floors redone. And there were a few minor details we hadn’t thought through. Like, you can have food delivered when you can’t walk in your kitchen, but those plastic utensils they always send, fate dictates will be absent from that night’s delivery. So you go counter crawlin’ for a fork.

The scary thing is, only about 25% of our floor space is being replaced (just the tiled areas), yet the place is a dysfunctional wreck. What happens when they come to do the carpet, the other 75%?

Judging by the past couple of days, the only safe solution may be to induce coma to avoid the trauma. Or at least a morphine drip.