PhotoDude.com

Tue. Aug 17, 2004

Security Breaches and Naked Solutions

We all knew it was coming. Some say it’s the reason there are so few spectators. They spent $1.5 billion on security to prevent it. But last night, it struck the Olympics anyway.

Men in tutus and clown shoes.

The order to step up security was caused when the spectator at the synchronised diving, dressed in a tutu and clown shoes, mounted one of the boards and plunged into the water Monday evening.

He stayed in the pool for several minutes before officials at the Aquatic Centre realised he was not supposed to be there and pulled him out of the water.

The 31-year-old, whose name was not immediately released, was taken away by security staff and handed over to the police.

“He wanted to present a message to his wife by getting on television,” said Marton Simitsek, CEO of the Athens organising committee.

“He took off his shirt and he had a message on his chest.”

ABC: “Tutu diver prompts security shake-up”

A man in a tutu and clown shoes stayed in the pool for several minutes before officials “realised he was not supposed to be there”!!! Perhaps they thought it was time for the synchronized tutu and clown shoes diving competition.

Of course, Mr. Simitsek is pimping Western misinformation. If you look to a Muslim news source, you get an entirely different version: “In fact the message carefully printed on the man’s bare chest was the name of an online gambling website, which has launched similar stunts at a host of major sporting events.”

Oh, Geez. I’d really hoped that linebacker had knocked some sense into him, but it sounds like a Super Bowl rerun: “The second-half kickoff of the Super Bowl was delayed after a man dressed as a referee ran onto the field, stripped down to a G-string and shoes, then started dancing at the 30-yard line. New England linebacker Matt Chatham leveled the man, identified as Mark Francis Roberts, as he ran from security personnel.”

Yep, it was probably this guy (Photo: AFP/Timothy A. Clary) (original caption: “Here on the grassy plain we see the well armed and prepared predator taking sight on his naked prey, like a lion after a zebra”).

Personally, I think it’s time to get medieval on this kind of “promotion.” Give them what they want … attention. But of a different variety. Add maybe $500 to your security costs by purchasing a 100 gallon tub, fill it with ice water and permanent purple dye, and hire four big guys to man it. When the Walking Casino Spammer makes his appearance as a Near Naked Billboard, they would spring into action. Strip him naked. Pass the URL painted on him to a team of bored and hormone-filled teen hackers before scrubbing it off him with a harsh horse hair brush. Dunk him in the ice dye. Thoroughly. Repeatedly. Then dump his naked permanently purple ass on the streets outside the stadium, and go back to the game.