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The Daily Whim

The Daily Whim

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Mon. Oct 13, 2003

Wounded Birds

I’ve been an Atlanta Falcons “fan” for 25 years. I put “fan” in quotation marks because they make it really hard. Really, really hard. One simple and painfully enduring fact points this out: in the 35 years the Falcons have been in existence, they have never had back-to-back winning seasons.

Like masochistic clockwork, a winning Falcons season is followed by a hopeful offseason of even more improvements, which is then followed by a collapse worthy of the Iraqi Army. In that respect, this season is no different.

But, this could be the worst. Ever.

In six games, the defense has given up 8 running plays of 20 or more yards, and 8 passing plays of 40 yards or more. They are ranked last in the NFL. I have three kitties that could put more pressure on the opposing quarterback than the Falcons defense line exhibited Monday night.

In six games, the offense has converted on third down about 20% of the time, by far, the worst in the NFL. America is filled with Pop Warner teams that can go 3 plays and then punt, against any NFL team. But they’re not in the same league. Unfortunately, in a purely organizational sense, the Falcons are.

In six games, they’ve given up four safeties (the NFL season record is 5). A safety is the NFL equivalent of someone coming up behind you and pulling down your pants in public. It is a humiliation the Falcons endure regularly, at a pace never seen before.

In six games, they’ve won once. And that was a long time ago.

Last year, the Falcons were the Underdog Darlings of the NFL. They made it to the playoffs, largely on the absolutely incredible skills of their second year quarterback, Michael Vick. In the offseason, they added Peerless Price as a target for Vick, along with other hopeful improvements.

But nothing can beat the 35 year long curse. A lot of people are pinning this on the fact that Vick went down with a broken fibula in the preseason, and has missed all six games this year (along with numerous other injuries in the secondary). Certainly, that’s a big part of it. But the Falcons have a $1.35 million backup QB, one of the highest paid backups in the NFL. Prior to this season, he’d shown all indications he deserved it.

However, backup QB Doug Johnson has been reduced to the human equivalent of a deer in the headlights. At crucial moments, his passes have had an accuracy that would be effective in a nuclear war, where “near the target” is good enough. But in the NFL, they often call those “interceptions.” Twelve so far, in six games.

It would easy to try and pin this just on Doug Johnson, but he’s had a lot of help. His offensive line has been just that … offensive. Stinkingly so. Falcons left tackle Bob Whitfield, a Pro Bowler once upon a time, is in what he describes as a “pass protection rut.” I would describe it as “he plays with the impact of Gary Coleman.” His quarterback would likely say, “I don’t know what to call it, I just know I’ve been sacked 17 times.”

His solution? Hypnosis. Seriously. Perhaps after Monday night’s loss, he’ll try channeling Art Shell.

He’s not the only head case. Saturday night, one of their defensive backs got busted in the Lenox Mall parking lot for driving a stolen SUV with swapped tags, and holding a bag of pot. They can’t even make it out of the parking lot without getting flagged.

Every Monday after yet another defeat, even if despondent, individual players are quoted in the paper saying all the right things. But by the close of the next weekend, they get it oh-so-very wrong. Again.

As ugly as the loss to St. Louis was, I expect there’s going to be some frustrated finger pointing in the locker room. But when a team fails so completely in every phase of the game, and appears totally unprepared to play in the same league as their opponents, there’s only one place to point the finger.

Posted 8:28PM, Mon, Oct 13 2003 in · · 6 Comments below


Peanut Gallery

1  Emese wrote:

It could be worse. You could live in San Diego and have to root for the Chargers.

Comment by Emese · 10/14/03 12:42 PM
2  PhotoDude wrote:

I'm not going to get into an argument over whose team is worse. I will simply note that, no matter how many games the Chargers lose, the Super Bowl is coming to San Diego this year. That means some Chargers are sure to go to the Super Bowl ... even if they need tickets to do so.

Comment by PhotoDude · 10/14/03 02:17 PM
3  Emese wrote:

San Diego hosted the Super Bowl last year with the the Bucs beating the Raiders. This year's Super Bowl will be in Houston, TX. I don't think the Chargers will even be allowed to buy tickets at the rate they're going...

Comment by Emese · 10/14/03 09:40 PM
4  Steve Barton wrote:

I must agree with your assessment that the coaching staff is responsible for the flatness of this team. There is an opportunity now to change the fan/team dynamic in this city: I'm a lifelong Redskin fan, but after 7 years living in the ATL, Michael Vick got me excited and I wanted to see more and root for this town's team. There are lots of transplants who could get behind the Falcons and blithely forget your 35 years of mediocrity -- in a whiff. Man, I want to see them do well and attract widespread interest. Must be ruthless with staff and players to demand better performance. (but dude, what about that dome? -- when I want to see a fooball game in a living room, I don't have to go downtown, I can just stay home...)

Comment by Steve Barton · 10/15/03 08:35 PM
5  PhotoDude wrote:

"...7 years living in the ATL ... There are lots of transplants who could get behind the Falcons and blithely forget your 35 years of mediocrity -- in a whiff..." It's not a matter of you and I forgetting it, nor is it a matter of 35 years of lackluster Atlanta fans. Nor is it a matter of 35 years of mediocrity, as that would imply at least a single two year stretch of 8-8 records or better. Not in 35 years. That is something other than mediocrity, and no number of rabid fans can fix it. After all, for only the second time in 35 years, the Geogia Dome was sold out for every game this year back in July. Fans aren't the issue. But you know that. It's just that after 7 years, I'm sure it's easy to still be hopeful when the team is down. After 25 years of this sickening see saw, I'm much more cynical. I hope that when Vick comes back, there will be a spark. The back half of their schedule is by far the easier half. But Vick isn't the only problem here. If I had to bet money right now, I'd guess they take this 1-5 disaster, and turn it into 7-9. (but dude, what about that dome? -- when I want to see a fooball game in a living room, I don’t have to go downtown, I can just stay home...) Well, I spent many a cold Sunday afternoon in December watching the Falcons outdoors at Fulton County Stadium (now a parking lot), from 1978 until the Dome opened in '92. And I have to tell you, from a fan viewpoint, the Dome is a far superior place to watch the game. I'm just talking about in terms of sight lines and distance from the field. You can watch the game (with your eyes, not on TV) while buying a hot dog, and have a better view than many seatholders did at the old stadium. I know many prefer outdoors (I wonder if it has a correlation with those who went to a lot of games when in college ... I didn't). I've never felt that way myself, other than the fact turf has caused so many injury's. But that new rug they laid down in the Dome this year looks pretty cool. It even "throws dirt" when a player cuts.

Comment by PhotoDude · 10/16/03 08:08 PM
6  Jessica wrote:

Admittedly, I'm biased, but I do have to point out that we are only in the third or so of the post-Smith years. There were a lot of terrible, terrible decisions at the owner level. Marion Campbell. And so on. Badass Blank does seem to have at least have a bit more of a clue. I for one won't be particularly sorry to see Dan Reeves go, but then again I wouldn't be all that sorry to see Bobby Cox go, either.

Comment by Jessica · 10/21/03 07:46 PM
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