PhotoDude.com

Sat. Oct 26, 2002

Don't Be Rude: Part IV, Weddings

Don’t Be Rude: Part IV, Weddings – By having a small simple wedding, we avoided many of the ”social landmines” detailed in this article. But they are interesting, and presented with humor: "Please note that none of my dear friends have committed any of the social blunders I’m about to mention. If they did do anything wrong, I was far too overcome with joy to notice. However, I’m quite sure they didn’t, because they’re perfect."

"Now for the rest of you."

Invitations: "First, you must invite both halves of a socially recognized couple. Those who are married, engaged, or living together count as social units. You may not have the company of one without the other, even if this particular other is a jerk. Second, you get to decide whether you want to invite children. Guests who express annoyance that their children aren’t included are the same ones who will let them scream through the ceremony. There’s a lot of room for error with invitations. It’s helpful to think of them as petite social landmines with quaint wax seals."

Attire: "In American culture, black is associated with mourning and loss, two emotions you’re not trying to inspire in anyone except his ex-girlfriend [...] Making the groom’s female attendants dress in novelty tuxedos is awful unless you have a tap routine planned for the recessional [...] Female guests shouldn’t wear white, lest they look as though they’re competing with the bride. Neither should they wear black, unless they’re mourning for her."

Ceremony: "Have a receiving line after the ceremony. It’s the only way to guarantee that every guest is introduced to all of your family and attendants, and the only way to ensure that you’ll have a chance to speak with sweet Aunt Thelma who traveled all the way from Florida. It’s also the best way to catch sneaky guests who skip the ceremony and show up for the food."

Reception: "Look at how embarrassed the bride is! How hilarious to see the groom’s head up her skirt, removing the garter with his teeth. Isn’t it sweet how she blushes at this reenactment of marital consummation? No, it’s vulgar. Cut it out [...] Like any good party or celebration, the objective of your wedding reception is to cater to guests’ needs and make sure that everyone is having a good time. Couples who run around screeching, ’It’s our special day!’ ultimately deserve one another."