The Daily Whim
A Photo Gallery With An Attitude
Sat. Mar 02, 2002
Old Man Pleads for Mercy
Old Man Pleads for Mercy, ”Make It Stop!” – It’s not the first time: "Used to be, you could depend on certain things. The sky is blue. Ketchup is red. No, that was too simple to survive in the Land of Branding and Marketing. First it was green ketchup. And we let them get away with it, when we should have squashed them on the beach. Now with a toehold, they’ve gotten bolder. I already pointed out the Blasphemer Red Mountain Dew. Now, there’s purple ketchup."
My response was apparently the equivalent of a Tomahawk cruise missle blowing up a camel in a $5 tent. Now, we need to send in the Marines: "Apparently committed to more colorful meals, the folks who brought you purple and green ketchup are ready with three more colors: Pink, orange and teal."
#@!@$%¡ TEAL KETCHUP?!?
To me, that seems somehow … distinctly UnAmerican. Maybe even traitorous. But it gets worse. In late April, one million camouflaged ketchup bottles will appear on grocery shelves.
You won’t know what color your ketchup is until the first squirt.
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O.K., I agree. Ketchup any other color than red is an abomination. Those responsible will burn in hell forever, probably being fished out of the fire every hour or so and forced to eat some fries smeared with green, purple, pink, orange, and teal substances that are not ketchup. And now that I've got that out of the way... What the heck is it with bloggers and ketchup? Didn' t Lileks have something in the bleat about multi-flavored ketchups?